so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
