taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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