Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
