no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
