Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
