i used baking grease as lip gloss
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
