we have pet lesbian snakes
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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