Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
