Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
