Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
