overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
