he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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