Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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