i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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