Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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