watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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