I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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