so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
