You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
