Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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