Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
