THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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