On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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