i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
