He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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