the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
false alarm, still single
Randomize
