i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i dont even know how to be here
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
