don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
