I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
