Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
