My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
