forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
