and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
