you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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