u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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