I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
