Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bring me that man meat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
