she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
