I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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