hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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