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• (248): View more from Michigan

  so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.

  Fav 2 1016 1435

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.

  Fav 56 6772 1566

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?

  Fav 27 6467 1251

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?

  Fav 26 1711 8233

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

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• (807): View more from Ontario

  he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants

  Fav 12 2098 6065

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like

  Fav 3 5274 1090

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• (845): View more from New York

  I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN

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• (310): View more from California

  Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later

  Fav 5 1112 462

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"

  Fav 5 2019 763

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something

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• (310): View more from California

  If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.

  Fav 2 37 115

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• (408): View more from California

  I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.

  Fav 0 31 26

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