the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
