I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
