So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
