Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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