I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
