hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
