i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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