Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
