PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
