Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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