I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
