Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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