I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
zippers are such a cool invention
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
