I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
