it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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