Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
