We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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