So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
