Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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