just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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