he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
