my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
