why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
