The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
