the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
