aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
