when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
