You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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