Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
