I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
