I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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