I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
