you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize