I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm like, not good at living.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
