Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
