I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
