I think I died a long time ago.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
as a side note pls kill me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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