do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
