the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize