garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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