I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
